Paraprosdokians

Thought you might get a kick outta these amigos.

white-happy-buddha

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. 

Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with “Guess” on it…so I said “Implants?”

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America ?

Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!

Some cause happiness wherever they go. Others whenever they go.

When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.

Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure.

I wonder if this qualifies: The rule of law works, until our masters say it doesn’t.

HJ

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Humata, Hukhta, Hvarshta

Hear_speak_see_no_evil_ToshoguWe had a fourth brother “Do no evil” but he left for a job on K Street.

Yanks, if you wish to salvage this experiment in self governance, you must untangle the web of influence peddling. Either get the money out of politics through campaign finance reform or find 536 incorruptible folks. I think the former is less formidable an undertaking.

Move To Amend (movetoamend.org)

One love,

HJ

Image Credit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Hear_speak_see_no_evil_Toshogu.jpg

Richard Dawkins takes a trip…

Richard Dawkins takes a trip...

Evolutionary biologist Richard Dawkins was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned to her and said, “Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.”

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the esteemed scientist, “What would you like to talk about?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Mr. Dawkins. “How about why there is no underlying intelligence in the universe, evolution is an entirely random occurrence and consciousness is an epi-phenomenon of matter?” as he smirked smugly.

brain-cell-universe

“Okay,” she said. “Those could be interesting topics but let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?”

The uncompromising positivist, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, “Hmmm, I have no idea.” To which the little girl replies, “Do you really feel qualified to discuss the Universal Mind underpinning nature, the guided process of evolution, and that which eludes the experimental method, when you don’t know sh*t?”

And then she went back to reading her book.

One love,

HJ

*This is adapted from the “atheist on plane” joke circulating the web.

Curiouser and curiouser!

If melodiously piping flutes sprang from the olive, would you doubt that a knowledge of flute-playing resided in the olive? – Zeno of Citium

alice_falls_down_the_rabbit_hole_post_card-r8cc2dc28af5b4897a0cfe5846d2b7fee_vgbaq_8byvr_512

O.K. wave function collapsers, check this out.  I was searching around the entrance to the rabbit hole in the wee hours of the morning using only the Northern Lights to illuminate my way and stumbled across the following:

http://phys.org/news/2013-11-neck-tattoo-patent-motorola.html

Read the patent application HERE

If you’re on dial up here’s the Cliff Notes version – Motorola filed a patent for an electronic tattoo to be placed on a person’s neck that acts as a “mobile microphone, lie detector and digital display.”

The skin-born device is described in the patent filing as “A system for providing auxiliary voice input to a mobile communication device (MCD), comprising: an electronic skin tattoo capable of being applied to a throat region of a body; the electronic skin tattoo further comprising: a microphone embedded in the electronic skin tattoo; a transceiver that enables wireless communication with the mobile communication device; a power supply configured to receive energizing signals from a personal area network associated with the MCD; a controller communicatively coupled to the power supply; and wherein the electronic skin tattoo is capable of receiving an initialization signal at the controller and from the MCD to initiate reception of an audio stream picked up from the throat region of the body for subsequent audio detection by the MCD under an improved signal-to-noise ratio than without employing the electronic skin tattoo.” The skin tattoo could communicate with a phone or other device by Bluetooth, NFC or other wireless protocols.

Pretty wild stuff huh?

An electronic tattoo that provides a continuous communication channel with the Matrix. And remember, a transceiver is capable of both transmitting and receiving data.

Is this Orwellian nightmare inching ever closer or what? Talk about getting your ideas from someone else. For the John of Patmos fans out there, we can take this even one step further.

But wait, who owns Motorola?

On May 22, 2012, almost 3 weeks after the patent was filed our friends at Google acquired Motorola Mobility.

Hmmm, so what?

Take a gander at the Google Chrome logo.

chrome-logo-1301044215

Ever notice the three sixes incorporated into the design? Talk about the mark of the beast! Imagine a population with this tattoo conducting solely bitcoin transactions. I guess no man may buy or sell, save he that had the mark, or the name of the beast, or the number of his name. lol

(Insert ominous Tubular Bells music here!)

I couldn’t make this stuff up.

One love,

HJ

P.S. Before the Fundamentalists out there start opening seals and beholding horses, these are tenuous connections forged for your entertainment and not prima facie evidence of anything.

Exam responses that you wished you’d made…

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See the rest here: http://www.scribd.com/doc/5107/they-did-nt-study

I thought you would appreciate a little chuckle. Humor usually conceals some darker truths however. Children are not atomized units of labor in the pre-production stage. Their creativity and individuality should be fostered and encouraged. The modern trend seems to be a sole focus on repeating “information” which only serves to create adults that remain “in formation.” Break the mold!!

One love,

HJ

To be or not to be, that is the question…

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With the intense imagery and moribund narratives to which you are subjected on a daily basis, I figured that a reprieve was long overdue. After all, a brief distraction won’t hurt anyone and a little chaos in our neatly packed understanding of the nature of things is sometimes beneficial.  All in good fun my friends.  You know the “all work… dull boy” bit.  Several years ago, I stumbled across the writings of distinguished Freemason Manly Palmer Hall. Needless to say, Mr. Hall’s scholarship was quite thought provoking and compelling. Taken from his seminal work The Secret Teachings of All Ages, I submit the following case for your consideration and or amusement. Remember my credo, believe nothing, simply entertain ideas.

Whether Hermeticism or Heisenberg, Hinduism or Hume, every construct upon which we base our version of reality is ultimately borrowed or derived from some larger body of knowledge. I think it’s pretty safe to assume that this principle universally underpins the evolution of mind. If we then extend this reasoning, the same should apply to noteworthy personages throughout the annals of history. Even the two cited earlier, Heisenberg and Hume, would both probably agree that their respective contributions are but extensions, based upon either acceptance or rejection of the plethora of ideas introduced during the process of education. Why do we then permit the good ole bard from Avon an exclusion from this truism?

The philosophic ideals expressed in Shakespeares’ works would necessarily have been teachings requiring a certain degree of exposure and familiarity. Mr. Manly P. Hall makes an excellent case that William Shakespeare could not possibly have crafted the corpus of literature to which he is credited. Imagine if you will, a medieval English setting where the skills or reading and writing had not yet become the widespread province of the commoner.

“It is quite evident that William Shakespeare could not, unaided, have produced the immortal writings bearing his name. He did not possess the necessary literary culture, for the town of Stratford where he was reared contained no school capable of imparting the higher forms of learning reflected in the writings ascribed to him. His parents were illiterate, and in his early life he evinced a total disregard for study. There are in existence but six known examples of Shakespeare’s handwriting. All are signatures, and three of them are in his will. The scrawling, uncertain method of their execution stamps Shakespeare as unfamiliar with the use of a pen, and it is obvious either that he copied a signature prepared for him or that his hand was guided while he wrote.”

Hall continues, “A well-stocked library would be an essential part of the equipment of an author whose literary productions demonstrate him to be familiar with the literature of all ages, yet there is no record that Shakespeare ever possessed a library, nor does he make any mention of books in his will. Commenting on the known illiteracy of Shakespeare’s daughter Judith, who at twenty-seven could only make her mark, Ignatius Donnelly declares it to be unbelievable that William Shakespeare if he wrote the plays bearing his name would have permitted his own daughter to reach womanhood and marry without being able to read one line of the writings that made her father wealthy and locally famous.”

The query has also been raised as to where did our esteemed bard secure his knowledge of modern French, Italian, Spanish, and Danish, to say nothing of classical Latin and Greek? Ben Jonson, who knew Shakespeare intimately, declared that the Stratford actor understood “small Latin and less Greek”! Hall also cites W.F.C. Wigston who called the Bard of Avon “phantom Captain Shakespeare, the Rosicrucian mask.”

He proposes that the Shakespearean writings are instead the works of the preeminent English scholar of the era, Sir Francis Bacon. He states:

“The philosophic ideals promulgated throughout the Shakespearian plays distinctly demonstrate their author to have been thoroughly familiar with certain doctrines and tenets peculiar to Rosicrucianism… [W]ho but a Platonist, a Qabbalist, or a Pythagorean could have written The Tempest, Macbeth, Hamlet, or The Tragedy of Cymbeline? Who but one deeply versed in Paracelsian lore could have conceived, A Midsummer Night’s Dream?”

Bacon has been referred to as a father of modern science, legal scholar, patron of modern democracy, one of the founders of modern Freemasonry, and a high initiate of the Rosicrucian order. Moreover, “It was in recognition of Bacon’s intellectual accomplishments that King James turned over to him the translators’ manuscripts of what is now known as the King James Bible for the presumable purpose of checking, editing, and revising them. The documents remained in his hands for nearly a year…”

Sir Francis Bacon unquestionably possessed the range of general and philosophical knowledge necessary to write the Shakespearian plays and sonnets, for it is usually conceded that he was a composer, lawyer, and linguist. His chaplain, Doctor William Rawley, and Ben Jonson both attest his philosophic and poetic accomplishments. The former pays Bacon this remarkable tribute: “I have been induced to think that if there were a beam of knowledge derived from God upon any man in these modern times, it was upon him.”

As a qualified barrister and courtier, Bacon enjoyed intimate knowledge of parliamentary law.   The humble environs of Stratford could not possibly have facilitated the intimate knowledge of law and royal court etiquette displayed in the Shakespearean works, much less for a local actor who signed his name rather awkwardly.  Bacon, the Earl of Verulam had also visited many of the foreign countries which enriched his understanding of setting and was in a position to create the authentic local atmosphere contained therein. There is no record of William Shakespeare’s ever having traveled outside of England which would weigh heavily against his favor in a world still awaiting the Promethean boon of photography.

The magnificent library amassed by Sir Francis Bacon contained the very volumes necessary to supply the quotations and anecdotes incorporated into the Shakespearian plays. Many of the plays, in fact, were taken from plots in earlier writings of which there was no English translation at that time. Because of his scholastic acquirements, Lord Verulam could have read the original books; it is most unlikely that William Shakespeare could have done so.

To cement his argument Hall cites to examples such as the following:

Abundant cryptographic proof exists that Bacon was concerned in the production of the Shakespearian plays. Sir Francis Bacon’s cipher number was 33. In the First Part of King Henry the Fourth, the word “Francis” appears 33 times upon one page. To attain this end, obviously awkward sentences were required, as: “Anon Francis? No Francis, but tomorrow Francis: or Francis, on Thursday: or indeed Francis when thou wilt. But Francis.”

Throughout the Shakespearian Folios and Quartos occur scores of acrostic signatures. The simplest form of the acrostic is that whereby a name–in these instances Bacon’s–was hidden in the first few letters of lines. In The Tempest, Act I, Scene 2, appears a striking example of the Baconian acrostic:

“Begun to tell me what I am, but stopt

And left me to a bootelesse Inquisition,

Concluding, stay: not yet.

The first letters of the first and second lines together with the first three letters of the third line form the word BACon. Similar acrostics appear frequently in Bacon’s acknowledged writings.

In conclusion, “The tenor of the Shakespearean dramas politically is in harmony with the recognized viewpoints of Sir Francis Bacon, whose enemies are frequently caricatured in the plays. Likewise their religious, philosophic, and educational undercurrents all reflect his personal opinions. Not only do these marked similarities of style and terminology exist in Bacon’s writings and the Shakespearean plays, but there are also certain historical and philosophical inaccuracies common to both, such as identical misquotations from Aristotle.”

History alone holds the answer regarding who actually wielded the goose feather all those centuries ago, but I hope that I have incited a spark of curiosity that may cause you to conduct further inquiry. Keep well friends.

One love,

HJ

The Devil’s in the Details

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In local news yesterday, a police officer pursuing a motor cycle in violation of department policy struck and killed a guide dog as he was leading his owner across the street.

FOX Affiliate lead in:  In what was a bizarre series of events, a guide dog committed suicide by darting out in front of a police cruiser while the officer was in pursuit of a suspect. Sources say the dog’s owner frequented the downtown area at odd times of the day.

NBC Affiliate lead in: Are the guide dogs provided for the blind being properly trained? Following an accident with police, local Eye-on-Town reporter visits the state penitentiary where many dogs are trained as part of the prison rehabilitation process.

CBS Affiliate lead in: Should the city fund overhead crosswalks for the busy intersections downtown?  Join local news reporter Lucinda Eyecandy for the latest following a chaotic traffic delay in the downtown area.

ABC Affiliate lead in:  Tonight on The Bachelor watch ten young women display that the best route for a young woman to take towards fulfilling her potential lies not in engineering, philosophy or aerospace, but in finding a rich man and competing for his affections.

Sleight of word is perpetrated against the public on a daily basis. The media’s purpose is to seek ratification of a particular position.

One love,

HJ

P.S. Meanwhile back at the lunch-counter, Joe from janitorial services sees Jackie Whatisrhetoric B.A., VP of Marketing. While trying to break the monotony of waiting in line, Joe asks, “Hey Ms. Jackie, did you hear some crazy dog ran out in front of a cop car and committed suicide?”

Astonished at how easily the “sheep” believe the nonsense on TV, Jackie hastily retorts, “You should really stop watching sensationalism Joe, the dog didn’t commit suicide, he was just badly trained.”

A young intern walking by overhears the conversation but is clueless as to the subject. Unable to critically assess the impact of the events to his own life, he returns to the consumptive notion of acquiring a whole lotta loot like the “dude on the Bachelor” so ten chicks can fight over him.

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